Dublin Amateur Music

The transition from ‘pre-teen shredding on an air guitar while mimicking the windmill antics of Pete Townsend’ to a lucrative career in Rock and Roll is an arduous one. The notes that ring out like a clock-tower calling you towards rock stardom as your guitar teacher congratulates you on a successful formation of a ‘G’ chord are what drive each aspiring rock ‘n’ roller to what one could call the ‘Amateur Music Scene’.  This mirage of success and fame are what make teenagers of every generation trudge on down a road lined with the carcasses of once used drum kits and string-less Argos guitars. For under-age bands in Dublin however, the ‘scene’ is a graveyard. The problem falls not into the hands of the poor souls seduced by grandiose notions of tour-buses and Kurt Cobain-ian mythology, but rather into that of its promoters. The methods employed by these ‘promoters’ is simple and misleadingly devious. Each band has a quota of tickets to sell, once the agreed quota is reached the band are free to keep the profits of each ticket sold thereafter. This is an alluring prospect at its face, however as these bands are in no way established, as is only natural for an amateur band, the stadium sized hoards of inconsolable fans screaming for ‘Gut Rot’ may be an ingredient which is lacking; as well as possibly the talent, stage appeal and any ability to gather anyone other than their grannies and friends to attend (apologies for any offence caused to any fans of the possibly existent band  ‘Gut Rot’ reading, the chances of  which are high). As a result a system of ‘friends and family’ organised gigs is established with nothing left for the promoter to do but watch on as bands bandit their loved ones in an exercising of vanity/delusion and pet their metaphorical Persian cat as they manically laugh from a somehow even darker section of the dingy bar. The quota of tickets sold sometimes covers the cost of renting any equipment or venue three times over, making the promoter a massive profit for what is nothing more than half a days work.

The classic Dublin ‘amateur music’ promoter acts in a manner not too dissimilar to the reproductive cycle of the bot fly. Its larva begins life feeding off its host from its inside only to emerge with the unfortunate creature drained of life with the larva now emerging as a fully-formed fly. The method is similar but rather than emerging in a shredded cocoon of sinewy puss and Darwinian rebirth, the promoter emerges with his pockets lined with crumbled ten euro notes (yes ten euros for a band who have never played live before). Notes which have more than likely been handed over by the unwitting ‘fans’ ,or rather friends of a young band eager to spin their arms like windmills and sign albums till their arms fall off. Actually when placed side by side the two aren’t that dissimilar at all.

On Sunny afternoons in Temple Bar one could catch a glimpse of excitable youths carrying stage equipment down into the dark chasm of downstairs at the Mezz, around the corners of littered alleyways of Thomas St; in fact anywhere in the City centre where Daytime stage rental is cheap as no right-minded musician would play at such a godly-hour.

Thankfully such an era of extortion is coming to an end. Such ‘Vanity Publishing’, which had for many years acted as the only rout for bands into live music performance has been supplemented by the Internet. A vast network of amateur bands now self-publicise their material on free hosting sites such as Band Camp, Sound Cloud and even YouTube, which offer these starry-eyed teens a tangible chance at being heard. The need for a superfluous middle-man whose worth could only be measured in the credit used to call and book the venue is gone. However that is not to say that bands under eighteen are still not susceptible to its allure. Underage bands struggle due to their lack of ability to play night-time gigs and the lack of availability of free music nights such as the King Kong Club or various ‘battle of the bands’ which focuses on night-time only slots, and quite usually alcohol available events. They still have to make do with the Faustian agreement with the promoter if they are to in anyway advance beyond their bedrooms.

The Music scene in Dublin as a whole is still just as cut throat as it has been for however many years, and regrettably not much has, or will be done to change this. That is not to say that one should be perturbed so much so that waves of cynicism wash over them any time they reach for a guitar or drums, rather take this as a warning to those who plan to jump head first into Dublin’s music scene. Note that ego does not keep bands a float and that once you dip your toe into the vast ocean of amateur music the scent of fresh blood draws every parasitic mountebank in the greater Dublin area towards you; be ready to decline with furious humility when they’re waving ticket stubs with your name. Unless of course you happen to meet them at the crossroads, in which case agree and prepare for a demoniacally backed trip to the top.